Monday, 10 May 2010

Jean Grey Story

By the Ocean there is a bar… They called it Hannah’s Roadhouse once… I don’t know what they call it anymore. I just knew that she’d come and bring that thing with her. That thing that to me, was so precious, so deeply moving that just looking at it would blind me. But I had to have it and I knew that I couldn’t have it if she didn’t show up today…

There she was red hair with a slight orange fleck in the ocean’s sunrise. She wasn’t old; in fact, she was new, as if reborn. She didn’t notice me as she opened the door to the bar. I let her walk, I had no plans. She bought 2 drinks and sat at the bar…

I just sat there, taking in the view, enjoying the scenery, she was beautiful there was no doubt about it. She was wearing a white shirt over a red top and tight trousers. She was like a picture that someone famous and gifted had drawn, the depiction of how a real woman should look. After a few moments of starring, it hit me, it was perfect, so simple, yet bound to be effective. I looked around the rest of the bar, there was hardly anyone there, but then again it was still quite early in the day. I would do it quickly whist no one was looking, I concentrated hard and within seconds it was done.

I stood up and pulled down my shirt tight to compliment the definition etched across my torso, before walking over.
“Is this drink for me?” I asked
She jumped “Ohhh Logan, you startled me. Where did you come from?” I caught her looking down for a split second, taking in the sight of the contours exposed slightly by my white shirt.
“I was in the neighborhood, so to speak” I smiled and sat down on the bar stool next to her. As she smiled back I thought to myself how easy this was going to be, but ultimately I decided it was going to be difficult, I’d never done it before. She really did have a knockout smile, the kind of smile that reminds you why you get up each morning, just to look at something as alluring as that.

“So is this drink for me or…?”
“Oh, sorry, yes ermmm, sure, you go for it” she said sketchily
“You ok Jean? You seem like you have something on your mind” I asked truthfully.
She starred at the wooden bar for a while but then almost blurted out “Me and Scott had a fight last night, it got a little crazy”.
“I see” I interjected.
“We normally go running together in the mornings and end up here. I must have ordered two fruit drinks by accident”.
“Or maybe you wanted some company?” I smiled and she laughed for the first time; I could see it was working. I was manipulating the situation and boy were the odds in my favor this morning. I took her shoulders in my hands and pulled her around slightly “Listen to me Jean, you two are always snapping at each other and you always make-up in the end, so don’t beat yourself up about it ok?”
“But this was different, I’ve never been so angry at him, he jus…”
“A-da-da-da” I interrupted “Just leave it alone for now, try and relax and maybe enjoy my company for the next half hour, whadda ya think?” She looked up at me curiously and then deep into my eyes. I could see something had just budged in her soul.
She moved a little closer and smiled appreciatively.
“Logan, what would I do without you, you’re always there for me… thank you, really, thank you”
“Don’t mention it, you know I’ll always be here for you”
“Yes, you really are a good person and a great friend” she placed her hand on mine and I paused for a second.
“Well, if you want I could be more than a friend for the next half hour” I said raising my eyebrow. The reaction from her was instant, she pulled away slightly whilst searching my face for a sign of a joke. Her shock started to appear across her face, she took her hand away from mine.
“I-I don’t t-think that w-would be a v-ver….” I had moved in and pressed my lips up to hers locking us together, she seemed to struggle with it at first, but then slowly let herself relax. But then she quickly pulled away. “I shouldn’t have let you do that” she whispered remorsefully.

I’d made a mistake, I’d pushed too hard too quickly, but then all of a sudden she’d lunged herself at me, and her lips were kissing mine again. Her lips were amazing, so soft yet powerful, just the way a man like me enjoys it. This time when she pulled away she said “bathroom” under her breath and took off immediately towards the back of the bar.

I knew exactly what I was doing; I was taking advantage of a woman who was in emotional turmoil. I knew she liked me and that she had strong feelings for me, physical and raw uncontrollable feelings for me. I took my time and followed her after a few moments, this was it I was finally going to get what I wanted. Jean had wanted this all along, I knew it and this time she didn’t have Cyclops to stand in her way.

As I opened the door, a hand reached and grabbed me then swung me around in a full circle till I smashed against the wall, Jean’s lips were again pressed against mine, this time I could feel her wet tongue. The bathroom was small and grey with a yellow tiled pattern appearing randomly over the walls. I reached for the door lock to make sure we wouldn’t be disturbed. Her hands were all over my body as mine were on hers and slowly the clothes started to come off, I actually started to enjoy myself taking off her shirt, then her shoes, her trousers and finally her red underwear.

I stood there admiring her body as she moved towards me and leant in. She whispered as she nibbled my ear “make love to me now”. I lifted her up and pushed her against the cold bathroom wall whilst kissing the parts of her body I could reach. The sun beamed through the high window, making her right side glow and her hair even more red. Had the circumstances been any different this would have been any man's beautiful fantasy. I moved closer to her until we were one and listened to her moan in excitement.

I knew this was my chance, I had to do it now, whilst no one else was around, no one could stop me now. I closed my eyes and concentrated with all my might I had and then it happened, She jerked back and forth uncontrollably, she looked at me in horror, I was electrocuting her. Her whole body flinched and shook, she tried to scream but I covered her mouth with my own. I knew if I held on much longer I’d kill her, but I didn’t want that, not yet at least.

She collapsed on the ground in a heap, gasping frantically whilst I changed my shape. I stood there starring at her, while she lay wounded and scared, trying to move away into the corner.
“W-who are y-y-y-you?” she eventually stammered. I had reverted to my normal state, a face she wouldn’t recognize. Her eyes fell on the metallic shape around my chest that bore a hole inwards.
“You don’t know me I'm afraid, I come from the future, your future in fact” I explained
“I don’t u-u-understand, what do you w-want with m-m-me?”
“You don’t wanna know sweetheart” I laughed
She looked confused and almost hurt,“What, what did I ever do to you?” she began to cry
“Nothing” I smiled back at her “I just need your power” and with that I jumped into the air drawing my energy dagger and landed smashing the blade deep into her chest.

She screamed in agony as the blade pulsated in her chest drawing out her legendary energy from her helpless body. I was like a vampire, drawing the much needed haemoglobin from my victims body. I had waited so long for this moment, checking and re-checking the time events, making sure I was careful not to change anything that would alter my time-line too much. Minutes passed and I eventually pulled the blade out and in one fluid movement I smashed the blade into the hole in my chest, recoiling from the effect. It was wonderful, the legendary phoenix power was filling my body, I could feel it coursing and reaching the tips of every inch of my body. I felt amazing, I had more power than I had ever felt before.

Finally, It was time, I could exact my revenge. As I moved away from her, she grabbed my leg. She was hardly audible now but she said “It will destroy you in the end” and with that, her body fell back to the ground and became limp.

I had killed her; I supposed that there really wasn’t any other way. It was a pity, as she really did have nice legs….


  1. Nice twist, I could tell that the character wasn't the real Logan way before the reveal of the true character though, in the way you made him speak, very x-rated Mr Salt!!
    Not complaining in the slightest, just a little earlier to reading something that heated...

  2. Haha, cheers reavley... My writing so far this year has been very tame and in most places aimed at a younger audience, so I wanted to push the boundaries with this one, take me out of my comfort zone as well. I had a few peeps check it over first too make sure it wasn't 'TOO' heated. Thanks for the feedback :-)

  3. It was great. Although the dialogue was integral to the plot, I feel that you could have made the collusion of good and evil or good and good, evil and evil dialogically light. Sometimes characters say the best stuff when they nothing. Letting the character speak for themselves is vital for any new writer, but there is comfort in eye contact, lack of it, silence and interference. Characters always work best under pressure.

  4. I posed a really long response, but the session crashed. Arrrgh! Really good Pete. Suffice to say that this was good but a little too heavy on dialogue. Characters always impress under pressure so don't be afraid to allow them to speak using their eyes, body language or to other people. You need to mirroring real life. Do we always talk to people that we know well, that much? Do we always talk to people we're unsure of that much? Use the world around you to tell you story. We'll cover that much more next week.

  5. Wow, just picking this up now... I'd like to speak to you in some more detail about this because I think I get what you're saying, but not 100%. Do you mean I should look at cutting down on the dialogue between the two characters and focus more on describing what's going on? Thanks for the feedback :-)

  6. yes, that's exactly what i mean...